Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
