make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
