is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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