We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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