If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
