Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you inspire me to be a worse person
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
