This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
