who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
