he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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