why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
