I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
