I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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