I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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