well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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