Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
