our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
