He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
