I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
