whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
