Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Is it because I queefed?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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