i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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