why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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