I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
