I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize