I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
