I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
