i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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