I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
