I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
