You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
