dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
