But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
