Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
