who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
