Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
