We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
