Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Randomize
