She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i now understand why vodka
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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