I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
