I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
