I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You ruined the universe
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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