i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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