Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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