Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
