yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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