i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
