just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
