This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
