after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
