Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
