He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
