Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
