Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
And then my night got REAL pukey
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
