What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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