Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just found puke in my bra..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
