Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
