hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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