So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
