i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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