I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
