Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
