I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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