things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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