I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
