once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
