Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
