anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
