awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
