I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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