If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
