My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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